I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
