I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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