you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize