wanna go halves on a baby?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
