So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
