she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
