I bet he comes in French.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
