I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
