somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
