Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
