Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize