the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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