why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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