one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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