Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
