i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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