I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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