I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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