the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
