How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
honey bunches of taint.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
