just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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