She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
