I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
