Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
