I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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