I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
