I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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