You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize