3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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