So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
