Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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