get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
