too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
