he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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