Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
