Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
