I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
