he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
