I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
