some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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