I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
