Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
