I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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