You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
