Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
