yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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