Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize