So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
