i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
