it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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