That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
