I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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