What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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