I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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