I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
