There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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