why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
