Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
