I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
