hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
