Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
