Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
