He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
