She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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