He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
