You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
