Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
