He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
