I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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