dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
