he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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