I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
