Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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