the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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