sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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