do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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