Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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