You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
