it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
