i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
