fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
