Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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