hotel room ftw
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
