Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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