I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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