i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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