FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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