I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
