i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
