# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
