CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
