I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
