If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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