you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
