I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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