We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
