and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
