im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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