I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
