Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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