i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found a bag of teeth...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
