the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
