Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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