he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize